If your employer provides you with a computer that has dual monitors because you have certain programs to run which are easier handled if you can leave one monitor up with each of the intensive programs ... then use them for their intended purpose. Don't get caught, day after day, staring at the one monitor that has CNN or whatever streaming live.
That's not why your boss got you the two monitors.
Well, it's been a few months now since Sybil left the
company. With the exception of one or two instances where I had to figure out
how to do something that was normally the assistant's task, I haven't missed her
a bit. I hear that she works in the area, and has been spotted by a few
employees. Oddly enough, she tends to tell the people she sees to "say HI" to
Grace and I.
WTF?
Ok. So, yesterday (Friday) as Grace and I were
straightening up around the office, Grace asked me if I had heard the outgoing
voicemail greeting on Sybil's former extension. Well, no. I guess I haven't had
a need to call that number since our Temp actually ANSWERS my line when I call
in to the office. Grace said she forgot to change the outgoing message after she
heard it .. which was Grace's way of asking me to take care of it.
No
problemo .. see? T-E-A-M-W-O-R-K
I have to say .. the outgoing message?
What the fuck was Sybil thinking? It said:
"Hello, Mrs. [Sybil] no longer
works for [Company X], do not leave a message, your call will not be returned.
Mrs. [Sybil] no longer works for [Company X], do not leave a message, your call
will not be returned."
Well, after a miserable couple of weeks with Sybil behaving
like a sullen child .. it's finally over.
Last night, Sybil left early
(again) and naturally waited for CFG to be on a phone call to slither out. I
heard her clomping around in her cube (the woman does NOTHING quietly and is
quite possibly the most clutzy person I have ever met) and then as she passed my
office she said a very LOUD "Good night". I wrote it off to the fact that she
was scheduled for vacation today (Friday the 13th).
A few minutes later,
CFG was in my doorway and asking me if Sybil left for the night. I confirmed
that she had. CFG wasn't happy. Apparently, Sybil hadn't cleared CFG's out
basket for the last few days, and with Sybil being out on Friday on vacation,
that meant that -basically- she hadn't touched it at all this week. Plus, CFG
actually had something she needed to give to Sybil, but since Sybil likes to
make her own hours, ::shrug::
CFG shook her head and said she was going
to have to talk to [her boss].
As I was leaving for the night, I went in
to CFG to say 'good night'. She was at her desk reading a document. She looked
up at me and motioned for me to come in to her office. As I approached her desk,
she handed a document to me. I could see it was a very short memo, consisting of
only a couple of sentences. I figured it was probably a write up that CFG was
going to give to Sybil come Monday.
I was wrong.
It was a letter
of resignation from Sybil. One week's notice. That's it. Mind you, she cleaned
out her cubicle .. what? .. a week and a half ago? CFG and I just looked at each
other and chuckled. While it's a relief, of sorts, the method Sybil chose to use
to resign was childish. You see, Sybil stuffed her letter of resignation in
CFG's in basket. Underneath a draft memo I had placed in there for CFG's review,
and 2 or 3 other items. Basically, when Sybill placed CFG's afternoon mail in
her basket, she placed her letter of resignation at the bottom .. and then
anything I put in there afterwards just buried it deeper.
It was
intentional, there is no doubt about that. She delivered the last mail run items
at around 5:30pm. She left at 5:45pm.
:: shakes head ::
CFG called
her boss to let him know that Sybil had resigned and let him know we would need
to begin the search for a replacement immediately - especially because of the
short notice. Her boss was cool about it and said we could go ahead and get a
temp right away. (Not always the case where we work.)
So, CFG and I will
take this opportunity to re-address the position and make it something more than
just an assitant type position. Thanks to Sybil, we'll now be able to upgrade
the position and get someone in the position that is actually literate. Cool
Beans!
Best of all?
On Wednesday, CFG and I discussed the
possibility of going to her boss and asking if it would be okay to terminate
Sybil, and give Sybil the severance package that the company has formulated in
the event that it is bought out. For Sybil, that would have meant 6-months
severance.
*snort*
Lessons Learned?
COMMUNICATION .. it's
a good thing.
If you know you're gonna quit - 2 weeks notice is
customary
Be professional - don't bury your resignation letter under a pile
of junk mail. Be an adult, go in to your boss and have a conversation. You never
know what will come of it.
Maddy, who I have now decided to call “Sybil” is still not speaking to me. While I am enjoying the relative peace and quiet that comes from not having to put up with her in my office either asking inane questions every 10 minutes, or prattling on about some other ghetto bullshit, she has decided to now start ignoring my request for .. *gasp* .. work.
This morning (already) was a kicker. Last night when I left the office, I said “Goodnight” to Sybil. She grunted at me. (I’m sure she was pissed that I had forced her to acknowledge my presence.) Then, this morning, as I walked up the hallway, I could see her reflection in the picture hanging on the wall. Sybil either heard me coming up the hall, or saw my reflection as well, and immediately grabbed for the phone. As I came into full view, I heard her saying “yeah”, “no”, “I don’t know” .. and I sort of smiled. See .. That’s exactly what I do when I’m PRETENDING to be on a call because I don’t want to deal with someone. I sorta chuckled and went into my office.
About 10-minutes later, the lobby receptionist called me to let me know that the CPR instructor had arrived. I called out to Sybil and asked her if she would PLEASE go pick up the instructor and escort her to the conference room. All of a sudden, I could hear Sybil “on the phone” again. More “yeah”, “no”, “we can talk about that later” .. on and on. There was no real conversation. I waited until she hung up the phone, and I asked her again to go pick up the instructor. Sybil got up off her substantial ass, and clomped down the hallway. When she returned, she said (as she was passing my office door) “She’s in the conference room”. I replied “Thank you” … and Sybil said nothing.
I was sort of hoping that CFG (The Boss) would attend the CPR class as planned, because I wanted to take the opportunity to call Sybil into my office and close the door. Unfortunately, CFG is swamped with work, and told me at the very last moment that she’s not going to attend the class. Also unfortunate, is the fact that CFG isn’t as savvy to passive-aggressive behavior as I am, (My former boss was a MASTER at PA shit) and CFG genuinely thinks Sybil was on the phone. Regardless… at some point today, I’m going to have to have a talk with Sybil.
As I told CFG just awhile ago. I don’t care if Sybil hates my fucking guts. I’m her “superior” (and I hate using that word), and she can hate me all she wants, but she’d better lose the attitude. Oddly enough, Sybil isn’t copping an attitude with CFG… and CFG is the one that reprimanded her last week about her attendance. So I don’t get what the issue is.
For now .. I’m going to chill and wait for her next display of passive-aggressive behavior. And then I’m going to call her on it. Immediately. And not very nicely, I might add.
So what is the lesson for today?
I don’t give a rats ass if one of your bosses is a completely psychotic BEEYOTCH. Your Boss/Superior/Supervisor is just that .. your Boss/Superior/Supervisor. Grin and bear it .. or get another job. It’s that simple.
Or .. as Principal Vernon said: “Don’t mess with the bull .. you’ll get the horns”
This is an ASSISTANT FROM HELL UPDATE!!!!
Maddy is STILL not speaking to me. I would say that I am hurt and offended .. but .. it's actually a FUCKING RELIEF. We are going on our third work day of her not speaking to me unless spoken to, and sometimes, not even then.
Today was yet another classic example of what NOT to do when you are an assistant ... and that would be:
When one of your bosses is on the phone? And the other phone line begins ringing?
ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE.
Do NOT let the phone ring and ring and ring .. and wait for the Boss to yell out .. WOULD YOU PLEASE ANSWER THAT?
I cannot believe this bitch is getting paid over 38k per year to be a useless pile of shit. She's lucky she doesn't work just for me. Bitch woulda been fired ages ago.
This concludes today's lesson on what NOT to do when you are an assistant.
Un-Freaking-Believable. Maddy, my useless assistant, has been late getting to work, or left early, or taken a long lunch 14 times in the last 3-weeks. FOURTEEN. Last week alone, while our boss was out of town, she was late two days in a row, left early one day, and at 5pm on Friday – she e-mailed Grace “asking” if it was okay for her to take a half-day on the following Monday because her mother was moving to Sacramento that weekend and she needed to help. So, uh, what? She didn’t know prior to 5pm on Friday? When Grace was .. oh .. ON A FUCKING PLANE BACK FROM NEW YORK?
Deeeeep breath.
This week, Grace had a word with Maddy. Grace explained to Maddy that when she (Grace) is out of town, that is when Maddy needs to be here. So, for Maddy to take long lunches, leave early and come in late while Grace is unreachable, is counter-productive to a department that consists of three people. As I wasn’t in the office the day they had this discussion, I don’t know what Maddy’s reaction was at the time.
On Wednesday, Maddy seemed okay. She wasn’t particularly chatty, but that was okay with me because usually, she talks way too much. I let Maddy know that I had a meeting with the ATFE on Thursday, so she would have to handle the coordination of the CPR class scheduled for that day. I had already taken care of everything, Maddy just needed to be sure that lunch was set up when the delivery came, and that the room was cleaned up and put back in order after the class finished, etc. This would be easy for her, since she was supposed to be in the class.
Thursday morning, I got the voicemail.
“This is Maddy. I don’t feel well and I won’t be in today. Bye”
Well, at least that was an improvement over the nonsense she usually leaves. BUT .. that put me in a bind. So, I called and notified the person hosting the meeting I was supposed to attend that I wouldn’t be able to make it after all, and to please give me an update on what the major points were afterwards. Then, I handled the CPR class.
Much to my surprise (and aggravation) Maddy decided to come to work after all. She was roughly 1.5 hours late getting in, and had I known, I wouldn’t have given up my spot in the ATFE presentation. *shakes head*
I swear to you all. I think she was wearing her PJ’s in the office. She had on some sort of legging things and an old t-shirt. When she spoke to Grace, she used this raspy voice, as if her throat was sore. When she talked on the phone or to co-workers, her voice was fine. (Did she think that Grace and I wouldn’t notice?)
Not once yesterday did Maddy make eye contact with me. Not once. She never spoke a word to me. (And, you know what? That’s okay with me) But what I find odd about that is this … Maddy and I never had words. I did not reprimand her, Grace did. I haven’t said “Boo” to her. I’m thinking she may feel guilt over the fact that she fucked up and left me in the lurch. Maybe.
Maddy spent her time yesterday cleaning her workstation. Not just dusting, etc. She has removed every . single . personal . item. Her cubicle partitions were covered with movie posters, etc. Her work surface had tons of pictures and personal items. Her drawers were full of personal junk.
It’s all gone.
I hope that this wasn’t an attempt to draw sympathy from either Grace or myself. Because .. Grace and I? We’re both hoping she quits.
Guess what? In Corporate America, there is a pecking order. Like it or not, that’s just the way things are. So, if the department you work in consists of a Vice President / Department Head (that you report to), a Director level executive (that also reports to the VP) and you, the assistant. Like it or not, YOU (the assistant) also work for the Director. Regardless of whether or not that is stated on your job description or not. That’s just life in Corporate America.
Some of you reading this are scratching your heads and thinking .. “Well, DUH!”
Others may be thinking .. “Nuh, uh”.
Well, YOU DO.
What does this mean? Why do I bring this up? Well, because I want to be sure you know that when the VP/Dept. Head is out of the office, (or even when they aren't) and the Director gives you a task to perform, you need to do it. Just handle it. Don’t argue. Don’t pout. Don’t act like you are a helpless first year, fresh out of high school intern that knows nothing and ask questions every 60 seconds just to irritate the shit out of the Director who is working on another project.
Look, the tasks you will be given to handle may be tedious and unpleasant, that’s the nature of being an assistant. So, if the Director shows you a table with 12 boxes of files on it, and asks you to go through the binders contained within the boxes, look for any and all documentation pertaining to a given individual and make copies of those documents. Please, DO NOT pull the sections and/or documents out of the binders, and bring them ONE AT A TIME into the Director’s office, each time asking what you are supposed to do. Trust me. The Director will not be happy. The Director may even get snippy with you. In fact, the Director may just give you more to do than is necessary, just to make you miserable.
Never forget .. Passive Aggressive behavior can be a 2-way street. And in the world of Corporate America … you will likely always be paper to the executive’s scissors.
I’m just sayin’.
The following is a transcription of an actual voicemail left by my assistant for our boss. Obviously, Grace felt it was “interesting” enough to pass along to me. You know. For shits and giggles. People, hear my plea, learn these three little words:
LESS .. IS .. MORE
If you are going to call in sick, just call in sick. “Hi Grace, this is Jane, I’m not feeling well today and need to take a sick day.” That’s pretty much it. Sure, you can add something like “I’ll see you tomorrow”, or “You can reach me at home if you need me”. But, for God’s sake, don’t babble. Maddy has just painted herself in a corner. Panic Attacks? About what? Is she having panic attacks because she knows I busted her last night leaving early .. again. This is a woman that spends the majority of her day reading magazines and playing computer games. PANIC ATTACKS?
And if you’re going to make major drama over calling in sick .. don’t say you need to get in to the doctor - and then leave your home phone number. That’s just stupid.
Also, don’t say “Please don’t be upset with me”.
So, here’s the deal. Now neither Grace nor I want to even talk to her tomorrow. I don’t want to know the drama. To be perfectly honest .. I don’t care what her childhood trauma is. And I get to spend the rest of the day DREADING tomorrow morning when I know she’s going to go all Pity Party on me.
Hey [Grace]
It’s me, [Maddy]
I’m not coming in today
Um
I’m not fffff….
I’m I’m I’m fine physically
But um
I’m having panic attacks
Um
I’ll explain to you when I come in tomorrow
But I do need to take off
Because I need to go to the doctor to see if I can get in to the doctor today
um
I’ll talk to you about it when I get in but I wont be in today
please don’t be upset with me
it’s ah .. it’s .. it’s
we’ll talk about it when I come in tomorrow
but if you need me
you can reach me at home at
xxx.xxx.xxxx
ok
bye
10:55am – Grace is in my doorway, talking to me about [somethingorother]. A co-worker approaches, and interrupts the conversation – telling Grace that she has been sent over to meet with Grace to discuss [somethingorother]. Grace and the woman head into Grace’s office to begin the meeting. (Side note – the meeting was on Grace’s calendar, just not with this woman.)
10:56am – Maddy: "BK, I’m getting ready to take a break right now to go to the bank. I’ll be right back."
What’s wrong with that, you might ask? Simple. If you are an assistant, and your direct supervisor has a meeting on their calendar for 11am, you DO NOT just decide to go to the bank at 11am. You are a support person, and that means that while your boss is busy with a meeting, your job is to answer her phones and keep her from being interrupted.
Also, you don’t wait until the boss is in a meeting to then go to the 2nd person in charge and ANNOUNCE the decision to go to the bank. At a bare MINIMUM, you ASK if it’s okay, since .. HELLO! .. The Boss is in a meeting.
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